Can I just say how in love with life I am right now? Busy “af”, random monkey wrenches get hurled at me at times, but I am loving every second of it… Even the ones that seem to last longer than usual such at the courthouse downtown this afternoon while waiting to clear an order of suspension on my driver’s license. There is nothing like not-waiting when you’re technically waiting to help the time fly by. *Smiles*
One thing I know for sure now: you have to die in order to be reborn. What I mean by that is, I recently experienced, what in modern-day terms is often referred to as, a breakup and although it wasn’t nearly as dramatic as “dying” per se, it was in a sense a death as in of an era. I didn’t know what the future had in store for me and that kind of uncertainty can be scary. It’s not like the uncertainty of traveling a city for the very first time. That’s an exciting type of uncertainty, similar to that of a child’s: infatuated with discovery. No, the lack of clairvoyance associated with a “break-up” is a bit more intimidating.
Yesterday, I watched an interview with an author who described what it was like for him to endure a six-year-long indictment of his company. For him, it was one of the most memorable events of his life because it tried him, literally. What I found interesting about his description, however, was not the content (which wasn’t even really the focus) but the appreciative tone he had in the manner with which he spoke of the experience. He further went on to explicitly express appreciation for what for most people especially ones well-acquainted with the “business world” so to speak would label as Negative. Punitive. Stressful.
He did not seem to agree. He said that the experience did him the favor of stripping him bare of any ego left in him, any sense of “self” and identity, which- let’s face it- is the all-encompassing, sole distraction of all time. I would say it “cleansed” him. He even wrote a whole book while going through it. So then, by his calculations, should we start embracing “negative” happenings? Or maybe just stop calling them negative? So the letter I received in the mail from the DMV informing me that there is an order of suspension on my driver’s license that forced me to devote my day to the courthouse downtown where I was exposed to sights not to mention scents of distinct character to provide proof that I completed a four-hour online basic driving course is not negative? What I am telling you is that I have already convinced my brain of this and thus my day was spent rather pleasurably downtown this afternoon. . .
In addition to being reborn, I am growing wiser, which really does only come with age. Or “experience”. (Sorry, spoiled young kids.) But what’s funny is this: although I’m growing older/wiser, whatever you want to call it, although I’m gaining in self-esteem, confidence, am more calm and grounded, regardless of all of that… I find myself acting more like I did when I was younger. And I don’t mean young like when-you-were-a-teenager and in-your-twenties, immature type of young. I mean I’m taking it way back like crawling-and-in-diapers type of young. Discovering everything for the very first time, even if you see it every single morning on your way to work. Training yourself to feel that same excitement, that same uncertainty you feel when traveling.
The trip downtown for me today was akin to a trip to the zoo for a toddler. You should let me tell you about it one day over coffee.