That’s because getting fired, let go, even laid off, feels like the purest form of rejection. That’s because in this day and age, workism consumes us and dominates our identity so it becomes an essential part of you. It’s not just your time and money, it’s the choice you have made to use the finite time you have on this planet. It’s time away from your kids, your pets, your family, your life. Your free time. Your fitness. Your choice to find yourself and your place in this world. Work consumes you but workism takes over. Because it’s not just the time you’re working but also the time you spend thinking about work, preparing for work, analyzing the work day and what it entailed. . . So yeah work is a big part of who we are and even when it’s Red Flag City and there is toxicity all around and you know you’re being taken advantage of, low-balled, and mistreated and neglected, it still really really sucks to actually to have to hear that you’re being let go.
Although deep down inside I secretly wanted and yearned for it, and despite the fact that I knew on a very visceral level that I was deeply miserable being tied to this company and job, I still experienced a flight-or-fight reaction as I listened to my ex-boss broach the execution of actually firing me and worked her way up to uttering the words. Because my hamster wheel of a brain was completely consumed with the next move at work when everything got cut off with one phone call, I was at a standstill mentally and emotionally and even spiritually. Everything stopped and felt bare because my focal point was gone. After leaving a toxic marriage, my tolerance for toxic relationships in any capacity has significantly decreased which is why I was having very strong reactions to the lack of efficiency, organization, and most importantly safe space in which to communicate suggestions and concerns. In many ways your relationship to work can be compared to your romantic relationship/s. For one, the same red flags you spotted in the beginning persist into issues later on, also work is an essential part of your day and identity very much life your relationship is. Finally, your relationship or dynamic rather with this entity evolves over time. In the beginning it all looks and sounds so promising but then you start to really familiarize yourself with the operations and what’s behind the scenes and the disillusion sets in and the dysfunction really starts to show itself. You don’t really know an industry/field/or company even until you put some time in and the same goes for an individual.
For now I will keep applying and hope I find the next great promising match in this allegedly larger-than-ever pool of jobs. Ideally, the company lives up to its initial promise and it turns out to be a stable, progressive, successful company that will put the people before the dollar. Does a company like that even exist? Does a person?