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Practice What You Preach

My title at my day job is GED Instructor. On a daily basis, I have a classroom full of students who are preparing for the GED examination and I am their teacher. Today was a bad day. I have increasingly become frustrated with their lack of motivation and attendance and today my frustration happened to coincide with some stress I was having from the pressure of my superiors and I snapped. Who was there to bear the brunt of my anger? My students. It was a very vocally passionate rant if ever there was one with an F bomb thrown in there somewhere. Are teachers allowed to say the F word? I don’t know but I’m pretty sure my credibility was questioned at some point even if subconsciously and even then it was probably drowned out by the high decibels of my tirade. Score.

I told them that if they wanted something, they shouldn’t sit around and wait for it to happen to them. They have to make it happen. I told them that I can’t take the information and install it in their brains. I told them that they can’t come to class a few times and then go MIA on me and come back weeks later, expecting to still remember what they learned before. You use it or lose it- that’s the way it works. I reminded them that they are being given a second chance, a rare opportunity that is being handed to them on a silver platter (The program is completely free of cost to them.) and if they don’t exploit it and use it to their advantage, chances are, they are not getting their GED. I boldly demanded that the “quitters” exit the classroom and save me as well as themselves a lot of time and energy. Finally I said at the end of the day there is nothing I will say that will make a difference because nothing will change unless the motivation comes from within.

In retrospect, I think I lost it. By that I mean I had an insane moment (or day). I am usually a very calm, very centered person with a tranquil demeanor but today I let my emotions get the best of me. Although I acted out of character, many would argue that my behavior could have very well been the “shake” or push the students needed to get them back on track. But let’s face it: how long will the effects of this aggressive speech last? Deep down, we all know the truth whether we are conscious of it or not: if you want to get something done, it starts with YOU. You have to REALLY want it and I mean want it with all your heart and soul.

In many ways I feel like a hypocrite. There are so many things I say I want, I think I want but why do I have yet to achieve them or why aren’t I at least well on my way to achieving them? Am I scared? Maybe. Scared of what? Am I lazy? Do I really want those things? What you judge in others, you perceive in yourself. The very qualities I criticized my students for today, I see in my own self. Everything happens for a reason and while a part of me wishes I didn’t act so impulsively today, I am glad I did because it has forced me to reflect on what I myself have been putting off. Hence my first official blog post :)

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